2017 Championship Game Naming Tournament - Opening Eight
Introduction Welcome to Tournament Tuesday! We have a small slate of matchups to open our tournament, just like in the opening round of the Trophy Tourney earlier this off-season. Eight names compete for four spots in the Sweet Sixteen. EVERYONE GET EXCITED! What are we looking for in a name? Do we want something funny, epic, random, league related, NFL related, or unrelated to anything? You get a little bit of everything in this tournament. Some names reference specific inside jokes or NFL teams. Others are so far from football related that it’s like a nine-year old came up with it...or did they…? Some names are funny, some names are cool, and not naming names, but some of them straight up suck. As Commish, I hope we pick a name that is 1.) A little funny 2.) fits the league’s style 3.) Easily fits in to phrases like “the ____ champion” or “the fifth annual ____” 4.) Can go on a trophy and 5.) Appeals to everyone even if it wasn’t their first choice. But I’m just the commish, I don’t get to vote. All of this is up to you. Will one of these first names be the winner, or will one of the twelve titles entering the ring next week be the champion? First things first, let us meet our Opening Eight competitors. The Patriots Bowl vs. The Terminator Bowl “The Patriots Bowl Champion is…” “So and So is the 2017 Terminator Bowl Champion…” Little Bowl v. Bowl action. Some Bowl on Bowl crime. In this first matchup we have two curious contenders for the Game name. I wouldn’t go so far as to say these are heavyweights, but I don’t doubt any name’s chances after our last tournament. And one of them has to move on to at least the Sweet Sixteen. The Terminator Bowl is fitting because every time Shotti finishes blowing out his opponent in the championship game you can tell he’s thinking “I’ll be back.” Meanwhile, The Patriot Bowl is a clear pander (shout out Dr. Jay) to the New England crowd. A name that honors the best team that ever was or will be. Also, I can appreciate a short and sweet name that is easy to put on T-Shirts or hats or trophies with a roman numeral after it. Just thinking like a Commish here. The North American Coastaly Located (NaCl) Porpoise Payoff vs. The Infinity Cup The competitions longest name vs. the competitions shortest name. Who ya got? “The winner of the NaCl Porpoise Payoff is…” “__ and __ will compete next week in the Infinity Cup.” The first is a clear riff on the Trophy Tourney South Bracket’s darling, the Salty Dolphin. While we can’t say for sure, scientists allege that NaCl is actually a secret code word for “salt.” But this is 2017 and scientists cannot be trusted. Porpoise, meanwhile, is actually a small-toothed whale and not a dolphin. So the #NateLivesMatter losers can chill out. This has nothing to do with you and probably was a complete coincidence. Saying this name out loud will leave you more winded than LeBron James trying to guard Kevin Durant while also complaining to the refs and instagramming about how he isn't using social media. The second is a name that meshes well with our trophy, which keep in mind is now named “The Eternal Cup of Glory.” Several names being introduced next week will play off of this as well. The Infinity Cup has Avenger-like qualities (namely the infinity part). And eternity and infinity are essentially the same thing. Eternity refers to time, infinity refers to endlessness in space or size. Essentially the biggest game in eternity (that we play every year). Gauntlet of the Gods vs. The Million Dollar Game “The Million Dollar Game Champs…” “The teams competing in the Gauntlet of the Gods are…” Does Gauntlet of the Gods step all over the Goblet of the Gods territory? A little. But let us not underestimate the power of alliteration. The Fantasy Gods did not do well in the last tournament, but maybe they can make a run here. To run the gauntlet is to go through a dangerous experience in order to reach a goal. We’ll see how this name does, but I actually really like this as the title of the entire champions bracket. But hey, I’m not influencing any votes here. I’m just telling you my very biased opinion. And just because I came up with two God names in the last tournament, don’t go assuming this is mine. It’s not. I don’t think. I’d have to check. The Million Dollar Game is a reference (albeit obscure) to the 2001 XFL Championship Game. In case you were wondering, Los Angeles Xtreme defeated the San Francisco Demons 38-6. The original title of the XFL Championship game was slated to be “The Big Game at the End,” which in my honest opinion would have been a much more fitting choice for the fantasy football championship game. Because I have a terrible confession to make: I don’t have a million dollars to give to the winner. I only have the $20 per person that we all agreed upon. Maybe we should try The Hundred and Twenty Dollar Game? Did I just come up with two options that are both way better than the Million Dollar Game? I think I did. All the Marbles Game vs. The Patriots Cup “And the Patriots Cup VII Champion is…” “All the Marbles Game Champion is…” Rounding out the opening round is…well, some names. Obviously managers are catching on: this is a Patriot’s friendly league. I, for one, had no idea. But what is the one thing that can take down a Patriot (other than a mentally-challenged Manning brother)? Another Patriot, of course. Will we see a Patriots Cup vs. Patriots Bowl matchup to end this tournament? Sources say…I guess it’s possible. I’d give long odds to these two teams meeting, but the question has to be asked: is a cup better than a bowl? You can put coffee in a cup. You can put cereal in a bowl. But you can put milk in both..hmm. Something to think about. At the end of the day, I'm just glad people are thinking creatively about their names. All the Marbles Game doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue the way a marble should. However, maybe with a little alteration this one could have potential. The Marbles Throwdown? The Marbles Meetup? All the Marbles Fight to the Finish? I don’t know, I’m not the ideas guy. The game is certainly for all the marbles, though. This reminds me. There is a girl at work who has a small bag of marbles on her desk with a note attached that says “Do not lose.” Get it…don’t lose your marbles? …I hate my job. IMPORTANT DATES * 6/15 Zach's Birthday * 6/20 Sweet Sixteen Revealed (2nd round voting begins) * 6/20 Chris's Birthday * 6/27 Elite Eight Revealed (3rd round voting begins) * 7/4 Final Four Revealed (4th round voting begins) * 7/11 Last Two Revealed (5th round voting begins) * 7/18 Championship Game Name/Off-Season Winners Announced * 8/6 Dues Payment Deadline (Pay your dues ASAP. The off-season winner will get their dues reimbursed by me personally. There isn’t a way to exempt someone from paying in the Yahoo system). * 8/9 Schedule/Draft Order Release Write-up * 8/23 Keeper Deadline (after this date if you have not submitted keepers to me you don’t get keepers) * 8/27 LoC Draft - 8pm ET (That’s 8pm Rhode Island time, not 8pm California time, remember some of you® yahoos are set to Pacific). * 9/3 Week 1 Power Rankings Write-up * 9/7 Week 1 Kickoff Time to Vote That is our Opening Eight. Do you see any of these names being our championship game name for all of eternity (cup?)? Or do you think the best is yet to come (and babe won't it be fine)? Twelve more names will be revealed in our next post. For now, four names need to be eliminated. In doing so, we also begin to narrow down the Off-Season Tournament competitors. We’re just under three months until kickoff. But this tournament kicks off..RIGHT NOW! GO VOTE!